What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:33
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
What is your craziest college sex story?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where are the gay people in India?
I could never make a relationship work though!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
How do I become mentally strong?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why does Rahul Gandhi have so many haters?
She loved him until the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
Why do we exist, and why are we conscious?
So whats the point in blame.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why did the American's mulberry harbor not hold up after D-Day?
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What is the best way to get over your ex?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why do men like women gold diggers?
And i lived it daily.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She married twice! .
Why is my ex mad I moved on when he dumped me?
Why did i forgive my father ?
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What did i know ?
Were any US Generals hurt or killed yesterday in Damascus, Syria, yesterday 5/9/24?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What do you think of the Quora group "It's Ok to Be White" for people who are proud of being white?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot live in the past .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
What should I do to get over a relationship?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
This is soul school!.
Im still living with it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
We all went to grammer schools
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
(And it was in our own minds.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Comes on , in middle age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We were not on the streets..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She found it foreign!.
Put me off passion for life!!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was in good health!
He knew the spot.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
All the time i was locked up.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I waited trembling.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was scared of men, in general
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Would this be the day?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I write beautiful poetry .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was seconnd youngest,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When she asked me how she looked .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it wasn’t much.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.